Just Thinking…

Why is it that I let people’s actions or inactions bother me so much?

I need to learn that others aren’t as considerate of my feelings, the way I am of theirs.

Yes I know we all live busy lives, yet certain people have no problem at all in keeping in touch with one another…

They have no problem making plans and going about their days, as if you don’t exist.

I’m sure that last part came off a bit dramatic, which I’m Sure it is, but that’s how unimportant I feel a lot of the time.

I feel like an afterthought. Like someone people love, but only contact when they have exhausted their other options.

I’ve wondered for a long time, “what is it about me that people do not like?” And honestly if I put myself in their shoes, I can see what those things are…

But here’s the thing, putting myself in their shoes allows me to feel their anger, desperation, worry, hurt and anxiety. I can feel their insecurities and realize just how much we have in common.

So then, it has to be me. I’m obviously the problem in all this. Why? Because everyone is living their life the best way they know how, and I’m here taking it personal….

The same way they may feel insecure and uncomfortable, I feel the same. Is it our fault? Maybe, maybe not.

I tell myself constantly that I need to focus on the people who reach out and look for me. The ones who call and text, asking about myself and my kids and husband.

The ones who say they miss me and love me. The ones who say they can’t wait to see me and actually make an effort to do so.

I guess at the end of the day, I want to feel important, but I need to continue reminding myself that I cannot place my level of important on anyone else but myself. That just wouldn’t be fair to other people who have their own shit to work on would it?

I need to stop expecting others to think like me, act like me, love like me and respond like me. I need to love and respect others and possibly meet them where they are….

As I work on doing that, I hope and pray that others can remember that I am here and have always been here for them, and that one day they would feel the actual urge to want to call me up and hang out or just text me to remind me they love me and are thinking of me…

-Jen, xo