The amount of anxiety I have today and that i’ve had for the past couple of days, is insane. I cannot get myself off of mindless social media scrolling. I cannot find the energy to go outside and enjoy the beautiful weather. I have a headache, my mind is racing and I feel alone. I feel like people are upset with me and treating me differently and i’m not sure why. I know I didn’t do anything. I’ve just been going about my days, so I hate that my mind has me thinking I suck and people are always having issues with me. I feel so alone and misunderstood. I don’t understand why I end up feeling this way. I cannot stop crying and I just feel terrible. Most days I’m able to just go about my day and ignore the nagging in my mind, but today it has hit me differently. I don’t know what to do or who to talk to. The people I want to talk to dont seem to want to chat. Maybe they are avoiding me, maybe they are just busy dealing with their own stuff. I spoke to a family member earlier and her words still didn’t help me. It’s so frustrating when I know things aren’t the way my head is telling me they are, but yet I cannot change the thought or feeling. I hate constantly hitting people up to make sure we’re all good and if they end up busy, I start to panic. Or if they respond to me, I still am not satisfied because it “feels off” in their reply. I hate feeling this way. I hate that I AM this way. I have not been this anxious or depressed in such a long time. I hate that it’s happening! I really feel I may not to reach out to a therapist and start sessions again. I have not done that since moving to Florida. I thought I was ok and that I could handle it, but any kind of change sends me spiraling lately and i’m exhausted. I’m also not sleeping well because my 6 month old is teething and fussy and wakes up more in the middle of the night. I have my 8 year old I need to care for too and my husband and school work. At this point i’m wondering if its exhaustion that is making my anxiety that much worse. I hate feeling this way…I wish I could ignore the annoying thoughts and just live my life. It shouldn’t matter what anyone thinks of me or says about me. It shouldn’t matter how people feel about me. I know who I am and I wish I was strong enough to be ok with that. I want to love myself and just focus on people who are there for me through thick and thin, who understand me and who reach out to me.
How do you all get through these moment in time where you feel absolutely lost? What helps you deal with your anxiety?
That’s all for now. My little guy is awake now, so I’m going to wipe my eyes and let his smile make me happy.