I know I’ve been off wordpress for a long time now. Life has just been pretty busy! I started school back in August. Before classes started, I found out I was pregnant! Guys it’s taken my husband and I 5 long years of trying for baby #2, so we were beyond shocked! Then I was asked to become a secretary in church…so I’ve been pretty busy.
I’m on my last 2 weeks of the semester and I cannot wait to finish! I am 4 months pregnant now and I’m just so exhausted! I will be taking next semester off being that I am due to give birth in April…I don’t want to give birth in class! lol I can barely stay awake now, I can’t imagine being 8-9 months pregnant and in school. So I will take a semester or 2 off once the baby is here for sure.
On top of that, I have my 7 year old son to take care of, and I help out in his classroom when needed and I go on field trips as well. I take care of our home and I am just trying to do all of this without feeling like I’m not doing enough. No matter how much I do, I realize I don’t ever give myself enough credit. I know I’m pregnant and tired, but yet I’m hard on myself when I’m too tired to wash clothes or take my son outside to play. I get my homework done before it’s due, but I still feel lazy because I wait until the day assignments are due, to do them….
On top of that I’ve been really anxious about giving birth in a new state. You all remember, I moved to Fl, from NJ last year. I’m feeling like it’s so much more difficult for me to be active out here in Fl, bc I have to drive everywhere. Then I feel lonely because the majority of my family is in NY and NJ-I’m just so grateful I have a sister here who lives 15 min away! I don’t know what I would do if she wasn’t here! I’ve been out here for a year and half and I still get my moments of depression and sadness. I’ve been really anxious as well. Maybe its the extra hormones, i don’t know, but its making me more exhausted. Some days I don’t want to do anything. Some days I cry a lot. Other days’s I’m really cranky because of how exhausted I am from all the thoughts running in my head.
It’s been a lot to deal with emotionally and physically. I was telling my husband I think I need to start looking into finding a therapist out here, so I have someone to speak to about the nonsense happening in my head. I want new ways of dealing and coping with my anxiety…I don’t want to be a burden to my family, constantly speaking about the same things over and over, because it doesn’t leave my head. I know how tiring it can be to hear the same thing over and over and not have any idea how to help out or what to do. So I do need to push myself in finding a new therapist and learning new coping techniques for myself.
Another thing I want to do is to start meditating again and possibly doing prenatal yoga. I’m almost 36 years old and pregnant, so I’m noticing the difference in my body. I’m more tired and achy. I want to be an active pregnant woman, like I was with my first son! So there is a lot I want to do to better myself and find peace of mind. The first thing I wanted to do though was update you all on what’s been going on! I want to blog more often, because for me, writing is very helpful and therapeutic! So hopefully I can get all this accomplished and while doing so, give myself credit for the things I actually am doing and the things I’m dealing with on a regular basis. I am happy and want my mind to recognize this and want my self doubt to just GO AWAY!
That is all for now! I hope everyone is doing well.