Anxiety Ridden

The past 2 weeks I have been stressed and really anxious about starting at my new college in Florida. I understand that I become anxious when things are unknown to me, when they are new. But I didn’t expect my anxiety to be as bad as it has been. I haven’t been sleeping well at all. I fall asleep after midnight. I toss and turn most of the night, I wake up multiple times and I wake up feeling panicked. I don’t feel panicked about school but I’m sure all these new things going on are the reason I wake up that way.

I hate being this way. My head hurts, neck is killing me, I feel stress in my shoulders, my eyes burn from lack of sleep and crying. I feel weak. I also feel frustrated with myself that I dont know how to control my anxiety this time around. I’ve even been second guessing my career path, which is pretty surprising to me. This wasn’t the case back in NYC when I was happy to be in school and taking social work classes and really enjoying them. I feel a bit lost and at my wits end here in FL.

Maybe it’s the unknown of being at a new school, which has a HUGE campus. Fear of not knowing what to do or where to go. Will I understand everything being thrown my way? In reality why wouldn’t I understand though right? Been through this process before. I just can’t figure out why so my anxiety…

Then because I can’t figure out why my anxiety is so bad and effecting me so negatively, I become more stressed out at myself smh. It’s a vicious cycle…I’ve been waking up late, trying to get my son to school on time. He was late today and that was just enough for me to come home and breakdown and cry. Feeling guilty that I was so exhausted from my mind and body that I woke up later then usual to get him to school.

Don’t you hate the guilt that comes along with the anxiety? God it’s exhausting…

I just need tomorrow’s school orientation to hurry up and happen so I can hopefully get a better sense of it all and maybe not feel so stressed out.