Happy New Year, 2018!

Hi guys!

I know I’m a couple days late, but I’ve been busy with family on NYE and celebrating my son’s 7th birthday yesterday! It’s better late then never though, right?!

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For this year, I want to surround myself with positive, loving people who actually show me they want to be in my life and show me legit love. I no longer want to question someone’s loyalty or question whether or not I am a bother to them. I’m tired of questioning, wondering and worrying about people who seem to not bother with me at all. This goes for friends and family alike. Why should I constantly wonder and feel anxious because I don’t know how someone feels about me? It’s exhausting. I just want to love and be loved and happy.

Despite not wanting to bother with negative people, I refuse to let their feelings and attitudes towards me, change the way I feel or how I carry myself. If a person doesn’t want to be around me or keep in touch with me, that’s ok. They have every right to choose who to keep in their circle. Although it may be sad or painful, I will not allow myself to feel hatred or animosity. Feeling angry is a natural emotion, but remaining angry is unhealthy and I will not allow myself to become more sick because of it. I’ve lost many friends over the years, for reasons I still don’t know. I still occasionally feel sad and I feel anger because I know I was a good friend but we are no longer friends and I don’t know why. I have to let go of these questions and move on with my life. I need to focus on the friends I do have and who has been there for me unconditionally over the years. 

Lastly, I’m learning to forget the hurt of my past but keep the lessons with me. I’ve been hurt plenty of times by people close to me, who mean so much to me. Despite things that have been done or said to and about me, I’m choosing love over hate. I’m choosing to remember the strength I gained from the hurt. I’m choosing to move on in a positive light, instead of staying stuck in hurt and despair.

When old memories haunt me, I think of WHY someone said or did something to me or about me. I think about what THEY were going through or what they have gone through, to make them lash out at me. I also reevaluate myself and ask myself how could I have done better? What did I do wrong and how can I make sure to not make the same mistake again? We have to realize there are many teachable moments in our lives. Whether good or bad, we all walk away with a lesson. So hold on to those lessons and allow them to make you a better person now and in the future. 

So here is to a Happy and peaceful 2018! May all of you have a wonderful year, full of learning, loving and laughter!

-Jen