I notice when I’m feeling anxious, I stay glued to my phone. Checking FB, emails, or just playing a game or two. It’s as if I’m waiting for something to happen or catch my attention. The anxiety in me keeps me glued to all things on my phone, and makes me feel as if I have something to do, all the while, I’m really just wasting time. This bothers me for a couple reasons but the main reason is my son. He’s home for the summer, as am I, because I finished my summer class. At the moment we have no routine. we head to the pool or beach when we want or we stay home. We run errands or visit some family. It’s no set schedule. This has thrown me off so much! I’m use to doing homework and having days to myself at home while my son is in school. Now I don’t have that and I’ve been feeling anxious and not knowing what to do with myself or what to do with my son to entertain him. He can talk my ear off, which leaves me a bit frustrated and exhausted by the end of the day lol. But what has bothered me the most is when I want to stay home and relax, I’m on my phone (which I’ve learned isn’t relaxing for me but I do it anyway) and my son has commented on it. He’s asked what I’m doing or who I’m talking to. He asks if I can check it later or text daddy later. This was a huge realization for me. I don’t want my son feeling like my phone or the Internet is more important then my time with him…
So today I was barely on my phone! And let me tell you, it was great. I didn’t go on FB all day, I barely sent text messages, I left my phone in my bag and I even let my son take it so play a new game. I wasn’t feeling my usual panicky pull towards it. I was living in the moment. I went to therapy and all the while as I traveled there on bus and train, I read a book (The Lovely Bones). I came back home and chatted with my son and husband. I prepared lunch with my son, I read some more and then went to a dentist appointment with them. I left my phone in my bag and had the ringer low. I have to tell you that being disconnected made me feel happy. More present. At times I would feel that “itch” to check FB or check my phone for pretty much no reason, but I didn’t. I’m proud of myself.
I told my husband I don’t want my anxiety to get the best of me and for my anxious obsession with my phone to make my son sad or upset with me. I want him to know my phone isn’t important to me and that I can have more fun away from it. My son is just 5 years old but I would hate to think I can make him feel unimportant by obsessing over my phone/social media, when I’m in my anxious state. I’ve decided to take a better approach and that is to just disconnect from it and connect with my family and friends who are present at the moment. I need to find a balance to my days and try to ease my worried feelings in a better way. I feel that by doing this, I’m showing my son what it means to be an attentive parent even when I’m feeling tired or scared or nervous. I never want him or anyone I love to feel as if I’m not paying attention to them. I love them too much to ever accidentally make them feel this way. I dont know if that’s the way they feel now, but it’s best I make a change now instead of finding out I’ve messed up, in the future.
So I suggest to you, if your anxious, feeling down or scared, disconnect from your phone, from social media and surround your self with your loving family and friends. Granted if it’s an emergency and you need to use the phone, go ahead, but if you’re like me and are drawn to phone/internet when you have anxious bouts, try to find a more productive way of dealing with it. It’s all trial and error. So far, this is working for me. Let’s see what day 2 has to offer ☺️.
Peace, love & peace of mind