I know I haven’t been on in a while. I’ve been pretty busy with school, studying for my midterm and as usual, taking care of my family. Aside from all that though, I’ve been feeling really anxious. Every day my heart is pounding 100 mph and I feel a bit shaky. I’ve been feeling like bursting into tears at random times as well. I think since my step dad passed away, I’ve been trying my best to be ok, but I’m really not. Every time I see his picture I start to cry. If I remember him, I start to cry. And unfortunately him being carried away in the body bag still flashes in my mind. I feel like so much is going on in my head, that it’s difficult for me to just be in the moment. I really am trying my best though. Right now I need to study, but I feel like I need to cry…again. When I’m anxious, my thoughts start traveling to other things and it makes me feel more anxious. I feel stressed, and sad, anxious and nervous, but I need to put on a happy face outside, so I can get through my day. Thankfully I don’t feel this horrible the entire day, but I’m exhausted already. I want my mind to slow down, my heart to relax and the shaking to subside. I want to think clearly, feel happy and live in the moment. All things I’m trying to do of course, I’m just not 100% there yet.
So yea, that’s what’s been going on over here. Just figured I drop by and say hello and I’m hoping to post more things soon. I hope you’re all doing well and are feeling more peaceful then I am at the moment.
“Missing someone is the worst feeling in the world”.