The Dreaded Phone Call


My ears ring with each scream that comes through the receiver.
My hands shake uncontrollably as I try to make my way to the car.
My sister takes my call with automatic fear in her voice,
For my voice is cracking as I try to keep it together.
The tears sting my eyes as I drive to get to you.
My heart aches as I realize you’re gone.
My anger rises as I remember us asking you to stop,
But then sorrow kicks in because I know it wasn’t your fault.
We all have our demons,
But yours were more over powering.
You had your times of happiness
But in the end you just weren’t strong enough.
I forgive you for all that was said and done.
I hold no grudges toward you.
I know you’re no longer in pain, and now you can get your rest,
But God how my heart hurts as I think of your fun loving ways.
The funny names you would call mom
And the silly songs you would sing, that drove me crazy!
 “Baby, baby! Got me going crazy!” Oh how fitting huh?
Now I lay here remembering you getting rolled out in a body bag. Crouching over in agonizing pain as odd wails leave my mouth. Near me I hear more wails:
“daddy! Please I love you!”
“I’ll always love you!”
More crying, more crouching over in pain….
My heart hurts. It physically hurts.
I’m nauseous…
God how did they put you in that bag so quickly?
You’re so tall, how could they carry you and roll you out so easily?
I got to touch the bag. I got to say I love you.
I forgive you.
I’ll never forget you.
I love you…
We all love you…now and always.


One thought on “The Dreaded Phone Call

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  1. Reblogged this on The Anxiety Chronicles and commented:

    I still can’t believe he’s gone. I haven’t been blogging much bc I’m dealing with the passing of one of my step parents. Coping is difficult and I’m just trying to be ok, along with my family. Tell your family & friends how much you love them. You never know when it’ll be the last time you’ll see and speak to them. Xo


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